fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize