I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
