I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
