Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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