Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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