She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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