the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
