the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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