he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
