u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
