she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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