I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
