I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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