3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
