she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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