; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
