we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
