This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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