Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
