I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
True strength comes from lack of pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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