The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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