Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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