I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
