if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
