I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
