I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
