Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize