No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
