Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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