I just saw a hot homeless man
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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