He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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