jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
