i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
