So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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