...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Randomize
