Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
