Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So here I am, sexting at work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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