Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
