forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
