Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
