i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
