I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
