So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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