I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize