My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
