bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
