If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
