Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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