i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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