Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
