Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
