It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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