So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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