just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize