I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
