If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
