My first STD was from a foam party
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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