I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
