Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need to calm my uterus...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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