It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's great music for shaving your balls
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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