she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
