I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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