ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He felt like a one man threesome
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
