im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
