North Korea, Best Korea!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
