Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
