it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
