Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
