Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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