I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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