You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
