i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
