The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
