I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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