Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I smell stomach acid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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