If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
