Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
