You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
