omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
