My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
