i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
