Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
