You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
