My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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