you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
