I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
