my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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