my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
