She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
