Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
