went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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