I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
