i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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