I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
