I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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