dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize