Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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