Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize