ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
