Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
