i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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