I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
