my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
