Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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