haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
